moving up.

 First post in a while :)

It's kind of a heavy day for me. 
The 'lasts' of some things glooms me.

This month I will be saying goodbye to three of my colleagues. 
One, I've had the pleasure of watching the magic of his drawing bringing our ideas to life in the past 3 months,
and two others, introvert souls and slightly awkward like me, but so much more cool and smart and creative, embarking on their next phase in life. 

Funny, how they are colleagues, but feels more like friends and siblings. 

I remembered a similar feeling years ago, 
when me and 3 other friends were tasked to open a new care group.

Though I love my new group, it also meant that I'd be leaving the comfort of my old group. 
It felt like another separation from my family, my new family.

In the old group, I was the youngest, I was the junior. 
I easily hid under their wings, watching and supporting them from behind. 

In the new care group, I moved up. I had more responsibilities, I welcomed juniors. 
As much as it was an honor, it was a duty.
And as much as I was excited for that new phase, I was sad. 

It felt like that. Like I'm losing my brothers who I can comfortably ask for advice,
and who would correct me and would freely lend their hands to see me succeed. 

My insecurities are acting up. 

What if, after they left, I discover that I am not good enough?

I woke up the other day and accepted that this is my opportunity of being stretched.
This is me learning to face my fears and build my strength. 

Sure, for a while, maybe I still won't be good enough. And maybe I will never as good as them at what they are doing, 
But I have learned from them, maybe I'll discover with the gift they left me that I can be good at some  other things, too. 

I can already sense that more change is coming this direction in the next few months.
I'll be taken out of my comfort zone time and again. 

Tomorrow I'll be happy for their next journeys, and so proud of what they've achieved.
Today, I'll befriend the gray clouds hanging for a while. 

xx